How to Support a Family Caregiver: The Words and Actions that Truly Help

Caregiving is the activity of looking after a child, elderly, disabled, or sick person. There are four types of caregivers: family caregivers, professional caregivers, volunteer caregivers, and informal caregivers.

While each type of caregiver faces unique challenges, family caregivers carry additional burdens such as emotional exhaustion, financial strain, and balancing personal and caregiving responsibilities. By supporting a caregiver, you can make a real difference in the life of someone who gives so much to others. But supporting caregivers isn’t just about offering help—it’s about offering the right kind of help. Here’s how you can make a difference in the life of a caregiver:

1. Offer Specific Help Instead of Asking General Questions

When offering support to a caregiver, avoid broad statements like, “Let me know if you need any help”. While well-intended, this can add to the caregiver’s emotional burden by requiring them to reach out to you or think of something for you to do. They might even be conflicted about the extent of help they can ask for and they might decide not to ask for help at all to avoid the risk of crossing a boundary. Instead, offer specific assistance based on what you know of their situation.

Say this: “I’m heading to Costco. Can I get you anything?”

Do this: Drop off meals or grocery staples you know they consume without being asked.

Avoid this: Broad statements like, “Let me know if you need anything.”

2. Acknowledge Their Efforts and Emotions Without Offering Platitudes

Caregivers can feel invisible and unnoticed amidst the focus on the person they’re caring for. They might even feel guilty when spending time on self-care activities. Acknowledging their hard work and efforts without obvious flattery can be a source of immense comfort and validation for the caregiver.

Say this: “You’re doing an incredible job taking care of your husband,” or “You’re so on top of their treatment plan, they’re lucky to have you.”

Do this: Show appreciation with small gestures like a bouquet of flowers and a hand-written note or even a simple text.

Avoid this: Platitudes like “You’re a saint for doing this.”

3. Be a Non-Judgmental and Kind Listener

Caregiving can take an emotional toll on the caregiver. Being a kind listener can allow caregivers to share their feelings, especially feelings like frustration, anger, or guilt, without fear of judgment. Being an emotional outlet for caregivers is one of the biggest gifts you can give them.

Say this: “I know you’re going through a lot right now. I’m here for you if you want to talk.”

Do this: Listen without interruption and ask gentle questions like, “How did that make you feel?”

Avoid this: Unsolicited advice unless you are in a similar caregiving role.

4. Refrain from Comparing or Minimizing Their Experience

Each caregiver’s situation is unique and comparisons, even with good intentions, can come across as minimizing or dismissive. It is hard to understand what they’re going through without walking in their shoes. So instead express empathy without drawing comparisons to yourself or others.

Say this: “That sounds very challenging. I’m sorry you’re going through that.”

Do this: Give a hug if the caregiver is comfortable with it or sit in silence with them. Just another’s presence can be comforting.

Avoid this: Don’t draw comparisons to someone else you know who went through something similar or say, “I know exactly how you feel.”

5. Give Them Permission to Take Breaks or Support Them in Getting Additional Help

Caregivers can carry tremendous guilt about taking time for personal activities or taking care of their own health. Let them know that it’s not only okay but vital to take personal time for their own physical and mental well-being. You can also refer them to our website, where they can find additional resource for support.

Say this: “Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. You can’t take care of others if you can’t take care of yourself first.”

Do this: Offer them concrete opportunities for a break with, “Why don’t I come over tomorrow for a few hours so you can have time to yourself?”

Avoid this: Offering unsolicited advice on how to care for their loved ones.

Supporting a caregiver doesn’t require grand gestures or perfect words. It requires genuine compassion, consistency, and a willingness to offer specific, tangible help. The words you choose and the actions you take can remind them that they’re not alone in this journey. By offering authentic empathy, understanding, and tangible support, you can make a real difference in the life of a caregiver who gives so much to others. So whether you know someone that is caring for a spouse with a chronic illness, an aging parent, or a child with special needs, let them know they’re not alone.